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Random thoughts

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Gut Feel

Ever have a gut feeling you couldn't shake off? Something that you try to push back, but it comes back to haunt you in some other way? I'm having one of those moments right now, and it's driving me crazy. I have a sick feeling at the bottom of my stomach, and I can't stop thinking about this thing. As John always says, it's like a poison that eats you up slowly.

It's not even supposed to matter. I'm not supposed to care. But nothing I tell myself seems to work. If they knew about it, people will probably tell me, "Do something, distract yourself! Go out and have fun!" And I know I should. I guess it's just a matter of getting up and actually doing it. Hopefully, it won't be long before I can do that. It really is no fun sitting around dwelling on something I have no control over.

I'm not supposed to care if it happens. I'm not supposed to care if it's true.

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Nothing like a good romantic comedy to bring my mood up. Thank God for Bridget Jones' Diary. Now, if I could only get that British accent going, maybe I can actually get Colin Firth to fall in love with me. Jennifer Aniston won't have to worry about me stealing Brad.

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New York thoughts have been hounding me again. I wonder if I would really thrive there? A friend has offered to put me in touch with someone there, and I'm tempted to take her up on it. It won't be until maybe after a few months before I can do something concrete, but at least it's a start. Moving to New York would be a refreshing change at the very least. I wonder....

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