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Random thoughts

Friday, March 26, 2004

Busy, Busy, Busy!

Everyone else I know who has a blog somehow finds the time to write everyday, and they actually don't run out of ideas or thoughts to write. Lucky them, because I think I've signed on here five times since the last time I posted something, and my mind just blanked. Is it that my life is so uninteresting that I can't come up with one single thing to bitch or gloat about, every day? Just one damn thing, and I can't come up with it.

Well anyway, last night I went to El Dorado, this obscure, seemingly camouflaged bar/club where my friend's boyfriend's band was having a concert to celebrate the release of their self-produced album. It was pretty cool, I can't really describe the type of music they played since I'm not really good at discerning the genres that have developed over the years, but they sounded good. And loud. Boy, was it loud. Even my friend had earplugs -- no wonder she could venture to the front of the stage and not go deaf. Anyway, the band's name is Thomas' Apartment. Very cool band, great lead guitarist! (sellout!!!)

Also, the past weekend, I threw a dinner party for my friends -- no occasion, I just wanted to have them over. So I surfed over to this recipe website and sure enough, they loved the food that I served. Maybe I'm on my way to being a gourmet chef after all, despite the fact that I never really touched a skillet or a frying pan before I was 24. Pretty impressive, huh?

Sadly, no pictures to show right now. Maybe my friend will send me some pics from last night. *Cross fingers*

Wrist still in a splint, and doing worse now. I was stretching the waistband of some garment, and my hand slipped and snapped back the other way. So much for progress.

Ooh, I watched The Apprentice last night too, and of course Bill delivered! Yep, he's the one. Maybe not just for Donald Trump, if you know what I mean *wink*. Now I'm getting other people to agree with me, so maybe the collective power of suggestion from all the way across the country will somehow have an effect. C'mon now, Donald, don't disappoint us!

Friday, March 19, 2004

New Addiction

Two nights ago, a friend brought me to this store called Wild Fiber in Santa Monica. I had been bugging him to teach me how to knit and he finally granted me my wish! And now I'm hooked! I'm just too lazy to get my camera and take a picture of what I've done so far, but I'm really proud of myself. Not too bad for someone with tendinitis in her wrist.

I only know one stitch though, so the scarf I'm making is becoming a little too monotonous for my taste. So, I've started to read up on other stitches I can do. Some are still too advanced for me, but I know it's just a matter of practice.


Did my taxes yesterday. Whew, finally that's over with. I hate looking at the numbers and being reminded of just how much I actually made the past year. Definitely not a pretty sight. Must somehow try to bring the figures up more this year.


Song that I can't get out of my head right now: Sarah Mclachlan's Angel

I wonder if there's a psychological implication to that?!?!

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Alright, fine, I give in!

Okay, this is a picture of me, my dad, my mom and my uncle. This was taken at the airport on the night of my dad's last flight. I don't look sad in the picture, do I? But I felt depressed that day because I got so used to seeing my dad at least once every month, and now I don't even know when I'm going to see him again.

Monday, March 15, 2004

Answers to questions... and more...

I see that I'm using this service in an unconventional way, because I'm not uploading any pictures at all. I don't know. I'm still hoping that that little note that I see on this page as I'm typing this ("Picture upload coming soon") is actually true. Total laziness, pigheadedness, whatever.... I'm a Luddite. Besides, I'd rather write a thousand words than show a picture. :)


Okay, maybe I should have started this phlog with this (and I apologize for not doing so): My name is Cathy, and I'm a Filipino. I grew up in Manila, lived there for 25 years, then decided to try my luck here in the US. I've been here over two years now, and I'm loving it, although I've had to struggle a little bit to get by, and I'm still struggling. But I love being more independent, more free to do the things I want to do. I love that when I wake up in the morning, I can map out my day with such a wide variety of activities.

I love to read, write, listen to music, go running, go rock or wall climbing. I love the beach and don't care that at the end of summer I always look like a burnt potato. I love getting in the water with my bodyboard (even though I'm far from being an expert) and just spending the whole afternoon catching waves. At the same time, I'm starting to get into snowboarding as well. I love hearing the crunch of fresh snow when I ride my board down the mountain.

Do I miss home? Yes. But at this point in my life, I wouldn't trade where I am for anything.


Anyway, I'm still debating what to do with my life. I went to an MBA information session the other day and came out of it feeling like it would do me good to go back to school and get an advanced degree. The problem is, it's a little bit out of my financial range right now. But I could do student loans, and that wouldn't be so bad. The problem is paying it off afterwards. But this would mean staying in the field of work I'm in right now.

At the same time, there's nothing in the world that soothes me more and makes me happier than writing. I write. Even when I'm working, I have all sorts of Word documents open, with random things on them, thoughts that I suddenly have as my day plods along. Of course it doesn't mean that I can make a career out of those tidbits, and therein lies the dilemma. I can only write well about truth, about my experiences, feelings and thoughts.... never have I been good at making things up, creating a story line and exploding it into a sensational novel. So that's that.

I'm going with Option 3: Wait. Wait and see. Well I'm waiting, and hopefully soon, I'll be seeing something good come out of it as well.

Monday, March 08, 2004


I forgot to say... FINALLY, Donald Trump gained enough common sense to fire Omarosa. I think I've bitten my nails to death just being irritated at her. The effect she has on me is like the effect that chalk scraping on a blackboard has on some people. Thank you, Mr. Trump!

This week, I won't be able to catch the show, but thank God for reruns! They replay the whole show on Wednesdays in NBC (I think) at around 7:00 or 7:30. I can't wait!


Okay, so supposedly I was going to give up ice cream for Lent. Well, it's only been two weeks, and I've already failed miserably. It's official -- I'm an ice cream junkie. I have to have it at least five times a week, or I get antsy or cranky, or whatever (I really don't know, because I never go that long without eating some). Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned!

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Confused and All Shopped Out

GAP...Banana Republic...J. Crew...Nike.... I think I'm going to go crazy if I see any more shops like these. I have been shopping almost everyday with my mom and aunt. When my mom first got here, we went to the Camarillo outlets. Then during the week, we went shopping around town. Yesterday, we went to the Century City mall, and today we went to another outlet mall near Palm Springs. Geez! I won't be surprised if the US economy suddenly starts getting better. Whew!

Okay, with the risk of sounding really ditzy, I am particularly happy with the stuff I got. But I really think I need to stay away from the mall for awhile. After awhile, everything just looks like a blur and I don't enjoy it anymore. I usually save shopping sprees like that for times when I'm inconsolably depressed.

And I'm not depressed right now. Confused is more like it. I came here to the US to find myself and learn more about myself, and somehow I feel like I've gotten even more lost. I am dissatisfied with my career, and now that I'm once again considering school, I can't seem to decide what course to take. Sometimes I feel like majoring in something entirely different again.

Maybe this is the process through which I will be able to know myself better, but it feels very shaky and uncertain. Even my relationships are suffering. And the new ones I am able to make, I'm not even sure I should actually have. Am I now opening myself to situations I shouldn't even be considering? And are there things that I should be doing but keep making excuses not to do? (I suspect the answer to that last one is yes.)

But I feel very thankful to this one person who knew enough to say that we need to get to know each other first. I need that kind of common sense knocked into me. Sometimes I don't have enough self-control to put my foot down and do whatever is best for me. I'm glad this time someone else wanted what probably is the best thing for me to do right now.

'Course, that doesn't make me less confused.